My dead heart Is gone EPOV in New Moon Chapter 1
by AsiaCullen
Summary: "No"I shouted as I said pushing myself to Bella into the decorations shattering everything


**It's not as long as it looks it's just theres ALOT of space this is my first story once Edward leaves things will start changing up the way he sees it. Enjoy!**

I waited in Forks Parking lot. Waiting for Bella. I heard her truck a few minutes away. Alice heard it too Because she was excited. When Bella's truck pulled up Alice started jumping up and down.

"Calm down Alice..before you make her nervous."I said putting a hand on her shoulder.

_Okay Edward I'm just so excited._

Bella frowned as she saw the gift in Alice's hand. I smiled looking at Bella's face.

Bella slammed the door of her truck loudly.

She walked over to us.

Alice started skipping toward Bella.

"Happy brthday. Bella!" Alice chanted

'Shh!"Bella hissed looking around to see if anyone heard Alice

I don't know why Bella was always so stubborn. She should really love things like this. Its Human.

"Do you want to open your presents now or later?"She asked as they started walking toward me.

"No presents," Bella protested

"Okay...later, then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed. I wasn't the only one with extra senses. My sister Alice Is Phsycic of course she had a vision about what her parents got her for her birthday.

"Yeah. They're great."Bella replied

"_I_think its's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

"How many times have _you_ been a senior?"

"That's different."Alice replied

That's when they were in front of me. I held out my hand. Bella grabbed my hand eagerly. I smiled. Her heart fluttered as she looked into my eyues. Her beated even faster. I smiled again. Her heartbeat was the most precious sound in the world to me. And I would always have it. She was _my _Bella.

I lifted my free hand and traced the outside of her beautiful lips.

"So as discussed,I am not allowd to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"I asked her

" is correct."

"Just checking."I said as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"You _might_ have changed your mind. Most people enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

Alice laughed her wind chime laugh.

"Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and gie you your way,Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" I knew Bella and I knew that Alice was asking a rhetorical question. Knowing Bella, I knew she was going to answer it. And I knew the answer to it.

"Getting older," Bella answered

I felt my smile turn into a tight line. Bella noticed in the corner of her eye.

_Sorry Edward I didn't think she would answer it. _

"Eighteen isn't very old,"Alice said.

"Don't women ususlly wait till theyre twent-nine to get upset over birthdays?"she added.

Another rhetorical question.

"It's older than Edward," Bella mumbled.

'Technically," Alice said keeping her tone as light as possible"Just by one little year though."

_I'll change the subject Edward I know she's not going to drop this converstaion. _Alice thought

It was quiet for a moment.

"What time will you be at the house?"Alice asked.

'I didn't know I had plans to be there." Bella replied.

"Oh,be fair Bella!"Alice complained

"You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?"

"I thought my birthday was about what _I _want."

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school,"I said ignoring Bella's excuses

"I have to work," Bella protested.

"You don't actually,"Alice said a bit smug.

"I already talked to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happpy Birthday.'"

Bella kept making up excuses.

"I-I still can't come over."Bella stuttered.

"I,well,I haven't watched _Romeo an Juliet _yet for English."

"You have _Romeo and Juliet _memorized." Alice snorted.

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to full appreciate it-That's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

I rolled my eyes.

"You've already seen the movie."Alice accused

"But not the ninteen-sixtees version,Mr. Berty said it was the best."

_She's not going to give up is she?_

Alice's smile disapeared she glared at Bella.

"This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other -"

I had to stop Alice before she lost her temper. Alice can get realy visious when she didn't get things she wanted.

"Relax,Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie ,then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there,"Bella added

"I'll bring her around seven ,that will give you more time to set up."I said.

Alice smiled again. "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." Alice said smiling. She kissed Bella on the cheek and walked gracefully off to her next class.

"Edward please-,"She started to beg but I pressed a finger to her lips.

"Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class."

As we walked into our 1st hour class. Everyone said thatv we weren't even there. We sat in the back of the class. Most of Bella's friends changed over summer. Mike didn't even glare at Bella anymore he smiled politely as if nothing was wrong. He still wanted Bella. He tried everything to wi her heart. But Bella says they're friends. He doesn't take that thought as easily. At least in his thoughts anyway. It was like he was trying to have some way to get rid of me. Like _that_ is going to happen. He did get on my nerves. But as long as Bella was with me, I didn't give a damn what he wanted. I could see in Bella's face that she was still trying to find ways to get out of the party.

We all sat at the same table now. Since Bella came to Forks. I guess Eric,Tyler,Conner,Tyler,and Ben are all my friend/aquaintances now. Mike ...I couldn't care less. He's just a piece of nothing.

_Bella is not even pretty. Why is Edward even with her? _

I dont know what her problem was. Even tough she was right. Bella wasn't pretty at all that would be an insult on my case she is beautiful,astounding,_breathtaking._

School ended quickly. By the end of the day. It was pouring rain. I knew Bella was going to try something to get away from the party. So I was walking Bella to her car. Alice took my Volvo. I held the passenger side door opened for her.

SHe stood there in the rain crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"she asked.

Always so stupid.

"Im pretending it's not your birthday just as you wished."

"If it's not my birthday then I don't have to go to your house tonight...'

She is not going to make this easy. Always so stubborn.

"All right." I said shutting the passenger and wlaking to the driver's side.

"Happy Birthday."

"Shh,"She said halfheartedly.

While she drove I played with her radio trying to find a decent radio station. I shook my head. Horrible. It's a good thing Emmett was getting her a stereo.

"Your radio has horrible reception."

She frowned. It was so adorable when she gets emotional about her truck.

"You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." I knew she was as stressed as it was . And nervous mostly for that matter. It was adorable when she got mad at me with her kitten anger. I tried really hard to keep from smiling.

When we got to Charlie's house I reached over. God, have I been wanting to hold her face all day. I held her delicate face. Carefully.

"Yous should be in a good mood today,of all days," I whispered.

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?" She challenged.

Her beathing became uneven. She always got like that when I'm this close to her.

"Too bad."

I leaned in closer to press my lips to her warm full lips.

Kissing Bella, was the best thing in the world. It made me forget about everything. It made know that she was her with me._ Alive_

Then that's when she locked her arms around me. God dammit she makes it harder and harder for me.

Ineeded to stop. One mistake and I could hurt her and I would never be able to forgive myself. I reached back to unlock her arms from around my neck.

"Be good please."I breathed

I pressed my lips one more time to hers putting her hands in her lap. I listened to her heartbeat.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this?"she wondered to herself. "That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?" She had one hand over her heart.

"I really hope not,"I replied a bit smug. She rolled her eyes.

"Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish, my command." I said.

When we walked into the house Bella put on the movie fast forwarding through the credits. She sat on the edge of the couch in front of me. Um I don't think so. I wrapped marms around her waist and pulled her into my chest. Since I was a vampire, my body is cold as an ice cube I pulled the old fleece of from behind the couch and wrapped it around her so she wouldn't freeze. I tend to forget things like that when Im with her. Then that's when the movie began.

"You know, Ive never had much patience with Romeo," I said.

"What's wrong with Romeo?"Bella asked. I could tell in her face she was offended.

"Well first of all he's in love with this Rosaline-don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistakes after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own hapiness more thoroughly?"

Just talking about it makes me sick. I mean that's like me marrying Bella and killing one of her friends for instance Jacob Black.

She sighed."Do you want me to watch this alone?"

"No,I'll mostly be watching you,anyway." I said running my fingers down her arm. I gave her goosebumps.

"Will you cry?"I asked

"Probably,"She admitted. "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." I pressed my lips to her hair.

I started whispering the lines into Bella's ear. Word for word.

_What light through yonder window breaks._

_It is the east and Juliet is the sun. _

_**(A/N that's the only Romeo line I know Lol)**_

Bella did cry. I wiped aay her tears with a lock of her brown curls..

"I'll admit I do sort of envy him here,"I said.

"She's very pretty."

I made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him the _girl_-just the ease of the suicide," I teased. "You humans have it so easy!all you have to do is throw down one tiny vile of plant extract. . . ."

"What?"she gasped

Everything started coming back to me now.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the begining. . . after he realized what he'd become. . . ."

I didn't want to frighten Bella so I lightened my tone.

"And he's clearly still in excellent health." I said. Carlisle tried so hard to kill himself jumping from great heights, drowning himself..and nearly starving himself. It wasn't as easy. He didn't like what he'd become. He didn't want to hurt people. They didn't do anyhting.

Bella twisted around facing me. Her eyes wide ..she was curious as to what I was talking about.

"What are you talkinjg about? she demanded "What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring when you were. . . nearly killed. . ."I paused. Remembering her fragile body broken. Blood everywhere. James was there. He would've tortured her to death. I came just in time. I remembered the note she left me. I remebeedr everything. I would've lost her. I never would've forgiven myself. I was so thankful to find her.

"Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive,but part of my mind was making contingency I said, it's not as easy as it is for a human."

At that moment I could tel she was remmebering that happene don her last trip to Phoenix. She touched the cresent shaped scar . It was a little bit cooler then the rest of Bella's temeperature. she shook her head. Trying to push away the bad memories.

"Contingency plans?" she repeated.

"Well, I wasn't going to live with out you." I thought she knew that for a fact does she not know me by now. Guess not. "But I wasn't sure how to _do_ it-I knew Emmet and Jasper would never help. . .so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."

I stared at Bella. She thought for a moment I knew she was upset by me talking this way. But like I said, I wasn't going to live without her.

"What is a _Volturi?" _she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family,"I explained

"A very old,very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing my world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years,in Italy before he settled in America-do you remmeber the story?"

"Of course I remember."

I remembered that was when she'd visited my family for the first time. She worried that they wouldn't like her. But everyone loves her. Except Rosalie. Rose is not very fond of her. I remembered when we were in Carlisle's room whher ethere was a landscape of the Volturi..Aro, Caius, and Marcus. Nighttime patrons of the arts.

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi," "Not unless you want to die-or whatever it is we do." I said calmly .

Her face expression changed. Her heartbeat quickened. She took my face between her warm hands.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!"She said."No matter what might ever happen to me, you are _not allowed_ to hurt yourself!"

"I'll never put you in dange ragain,so it's a mot point.

"_Put _me in danger!I though twe'd established that all the bas luck is my fault?" she said getting angrier."How dare you even think like that?"

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?"I asked

"That's not the same thing."

I chuckled.

"What if something did happen to you?"she asked."Would you want me to go _off_ myself?"

Hell no. Bella's human. Just the thought of her trying to hurt herself because I wasn't alive anymore is ...wrong. Im a vampire , aworthless vampire. A monster I don''t deserve Bella. It hurt me to even think about that.

"I guess I see your point . . . .a little," I admitted. "But what would I do without you?"

"Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I sighed. I was about to say something until I heard Charlie's cruiser around the block. I sat Bella up quickly putting her to the side of me. "Charlie?"she guessed. I smiled. Bella grabbed my hand firmly.I knew Charlie would have a fit if he saw that we were that close. Charlie came in with a box of pizza.._My Bella is growing up before I know it she's going to be out of the house in college. Marrie. A family of her own. My little girl has turned into such a beautful young woman. _Charlie thought.

"Hey kids."He said smilig at Bella. "I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for you brithday. Hungry?"

", Dad."

I passed on dinner as always. My excuse was always. Oh Im not really hungry. Or my parents have a meal ready. Tonight I just said No thanks. He got used to it. _Kid hardly ever eats. Wonder what his parents feed em' _He thought.

"Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?" I askedjust as Charlie and Bella finished their human food.

Bella stared at him hope in her eyes. She was hoping he wouldn't let her go.

"That's fine-the Mariners are playing the soxtonight," He explained."So I won't be any kind of company. . . .Here." He said picking up the camera and tossing it to Bella. Oh lord..I caught the camera just before it hit the linoleum.

"Nice save,"He oted. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets-she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

That was true. Alice and Renee are . . . alike in so many ways. . . they are so HYPER.

"Good idea, Charlie," I said as I gave the camera to Bella.

Bella turned the camera toward me and snapped the first picture. "It works."

"That's good. Hey say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." Charlie's was frowning.

I forgot how much Charlie loved Alice. After everything that happened last spring. Alice was here to help Bella get throught the day. And do things that wer uncom fortable for Charlie. Especially things like. Helping his adult daughter showering. "I'll tell her."

"Okay. You kids have fu tonight." Charlie was trying to get rid of us. His eyes were glued to the television set. I smiled trumphantly grabbing Bella's hand out of the kitchen.

I opened the passenger door, this time, Bella didn't argue. I knew she still had struggles tring to locate my house.

I drove North over the speed limit. I wanted to see what would happen if I drove over fifty. The truck shook and roared even louder. Bella hated when I messed with her truck. But it bugged me when I drove slow. Human speed anyway.

"Take it easy."Bella warned me. "You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power. . ."

"There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of exspensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents." I don't know why she refused me spending money on her. I mean I'm quite wealthy, of course I would _want _to spend money on the love of my life. It's what a man's supposed to do. Just like a husband is supposed to provide for his wife and family. "Not a dime."I promised.

"Good."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends on what it is." I sighed. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

"Fine,I'll behave." I could tell Bella gets nervous when I bring things up about all of them.

"I probably should warn you. . . ."

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited. . .I do mean _all _of them."

"Everyone?" Bella choked "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here."

"But. . . . Rosalie?"

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."

I Know Bella knew that Rose doesn't like her. But that doesn't mean that she has to be afraid of what Rosalie would say. To Rosalie, Bela is just some fragilr little human. To me, Bella was much, much more than that. If Rosalie got to know Bella more I know she would love Bella. Everyone else does. Emmett on the other hand wa sthe complete opposite. he loved Bella..well to pick on Bella he loved making her blush. He picked on her for doing that. Emmett considers Bella as a little sister of his. He's still trying to get through to Rosalie. After almost half a year. "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want ." she whisperd.

I frowned. I regrettes that question as soon as the words came out of my would be better off talking about Rosalie. Why did it feel as if we hd this arguement over and over today?

"Not tonight, Bella. Please." I said.

"Well maybe Alice would give me what I want." Alice wouldn't dare.

"This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella."I vowed.

"That's not fair!"she said. sounding like a toddler who couldn't get what she wanted. I pulled up to my homenow. Lights were everywhere Japanese lanterns were hanging everywhere. Alice went overboard. bI had to admit moaned."This is a party," I reminded her."Try to be a good sport."

"Sure,:She muttered. I went around to thepassenger side. I opened the dor and held out my hand.

"I have a question."She asked.

I put my hand to my side an waited for her question. I hope it has nothing to do with her request.

"If I develo this film." she said tossing the camera in her hands."will you show up in this picture?"

I couldn't help but laugh. It was so funny how she would ask me that. She is so cute. I helped her out of the car. I was still laughing as we got to the house. I opened the door. Evryone greete Bella with a huge "Happy Birthday, Bella!" I looke dat Bella as her face blushed a beautiful rose red color. For some reason Bella did't like when all the attention revolved around her. Bella looked even more annoyed then I thought so just to send her a little reminder I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her forhead. Esme hugged Bella softly. Then kissed her forehead just as I did. Carlisle who was at Bella's opposit side wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulder.

"Sorry about this, Bella,"He whispered as if no one could hear him everyone did. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

Then Rose and Emmett were behind them. Rose Stared at a wall pretending Bella wasn't here.

_I promise I'll behave_ Rosalie thought.

I smiled.

"You haven't changed at all," Emmett said with dissapointment. "I expected a perceptible difference, but her you are,red-faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett,"Bella said a sher faced turned crimson red. "I have to step outside for a second"- He winked at Alice-" Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try."

Alice released Jazz Hand and skipped over to Bella. Jasper still took precautions. I knew that he was only doing it for Bella and Me's sake. I would had to thank him for that later.

"Time to open presents," Alice announced. She grabbed Bella's arm and skipped off to the table with the silver wrapped boxes on the table.

_She's going to love it Edrard ,trust me._ Alice thought.

"Alice, I know that I told you that I didn't want anything-"

"But I didn't listen." she said switching the camera with a gift."open it." Alice insisted.

Bella read the tag and started to unrap the silver wrappig paper. To her surprise it was empty.

"Um. . .thanks."

Rosalie smiled. Jasper laughed. "it's a stero for your truck," He explained "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

"Thanks,Jasper, Rosalie," Bella said smiling. Probaly remembering the comment I had said about her truck earlier this afternoon.

""Thanks, Emmett!" Bella called so Emmet coulde hear. I heard his laughter the house almost shook. Bella laughed also.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice said. By the way her voice sounded Alice was very excited. Bella gave me a glare. "You promised."

That's when my annoying brother emmett came in the door. "Just in time!" He crowed. He walked behind Jasper while Jasper drifted closer. I eyed him carfully.

"I didn't spend a dime." I promised as I brushed a strand of hair back in it's place. Bella held out her hand."Give it to me."

That's when a nightmare began. Bella jerked her finger under the tape.

"Shoot."Bella muttered. A single drop of blood shedded and dropped onto the carpet.

All Jasper could think of was _Attack._

"No!" I shouted. I threw myself into Bella flinging her rinto the decorations on the table and shattering everything. Jasper slammed his body into me. A snarl was ready to come out deep in Edward's chest. Jasper snapped his teeth two inches from my face. _Im so sorry Edward _Alice thought. Emmett grabbed Jasper making an unlockable grip. Jasper struggled keeping his eyes on Bella. She looked at her arm. Then she looked up. All of us except Carlisle were staring at bella with hungry eyes. We were thirsty..now we were. i could tell.

**Okay so there you have it. Did you like it? Chapter 2 will be up soon. this took me all day to write so chapter 2 will be up probably saturday. Im going with my dad tomorrow so yeah sorry if it takes a long time.**

**~AsiaCullen~**


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